where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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