do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
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