I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
