Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
