I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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