all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
