please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
