i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
