All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You are a genius and a whore.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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