you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
