btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
