pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
