He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
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That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
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You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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