WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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