I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
