my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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