he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
