This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
