the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I don't deserve a penis
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
