She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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