If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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