Just fell off a train. Bad.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
