$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
