I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
