You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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