i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Randomize
