when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
