you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I need a burrito and a hug.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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