I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
