Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
