I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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