My sheets look like a crime scene.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
