i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
