so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
