I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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