Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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