I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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