It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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