just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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