I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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