roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
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I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
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Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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