Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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