At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
