I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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