im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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