I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
