i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
