mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
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