It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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