sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
