my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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