I am spending my child support on dildos
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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