the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
