What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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