My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
