You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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