i permit you to call me
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
