Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
