Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
