my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
