the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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