i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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