i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
