Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
