well I can't set my house on fire every night
I think I am morally bankrupt
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Pants are for mortals
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
