The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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