ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize