We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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