Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
