he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
PANTIES FOUND
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