Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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