I'm laying in your front yard are you home
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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