fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
