she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
