Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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