i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
