sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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