i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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