you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
