I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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