i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
